Homeschooling and weighin-UGH

UGH weigh in days are so nasty! I hate that dreaded word. Its like a 4 letter word, even though it has 5 letters! LOL I have SUCH a hard time losing a pound or two. It's a shame that some people have trouble GAINING weight and I have a hard time losing it. I just LOOK at food and I gain it! I'm serious! I can exercise on a stationary bike for two hours a day and still stay the same weight. I have lost inches, and gained muscle, which is cool! I have seen a big difference in my clothing sizes, of course, and people have really said how much I've lost. I've lost about 40 pounds, which isn't a lot of weight in my opinion. I want to lose a lot more. I get so frustrated! I am in one of those moods, that I want to quit. I guess I really need the meeting badly tonight. I should go for that reason...I feel like quitting out of frustration. I can't quit, this is my goal, to get healthy, to change my life around. I need this, for my health, for my sanity, for my daughter. I'm doing it because I love my daughter and if I don't lose the weight I won't be around to see her grow up. My stay in the hospital over New Years scared the heck out of me. I guess you can tell that, huh? I am determined now to lose the weight, to get my life pulled back together and do something with myself.

You see, a few years ago, I got out of an abusive relationship. My ex wasn't physically abusive as much as he was mentally abusive toward me and I think that was worse. It creates scars deeper than the skin. You can't see them. They last a lot longer. The self esteem is hard to repair when it's been wounded. I won't go into detail about all that but I'm recovering even yet. I am doing GREAT. It's been six years since the divorce, and my daughter is doing great also. I have a good relationship now with him, thanks to my mom helping to run interference. I think he also knows that it is in the best interest of our daughter to keep the peace. I've gotten stronger since I have "recovered" I guess you should say. I won't take his abuse. I know the look on his face and the tone of his voice. I have heard it a few times in past and just firmly said "hold it right there. We're no longer married. I don't have to hear it anymore. I don't have to deal with it." I walk away from him now. I refuse to be treated with disrespect. If he wants to talk to me he talks to me with respect or he doesn't talk to me at all. Alas, it works! :)

So, I have gone a long way in six years. I consider myself a "work in progress"... I have a long way to go. I think that is what life is all about. I think we are all meant to learn about life and grow as we age. Each of us have our own beliefs and whether you believe in God or a "higher power" or whatever, I think God is there for us and wants us to grow and learn as we live our lives on a day to day basis. I've had problems with my health, with depression (because of my ex husband and money/finances) and can't find a good job. All that will come together and work out eventually. I have faith!